I know you'll be a sun in somebody else's sky...

...but why...why, why can't it be, can't it be mine?


I know I haven't had the best of luck with relationships, I fuck it up, I let it go and realize what I could've had. For the first time in my life, I almost feel like I deserve someones love. But there is still a long lingering thought in my mind. Him.

I still miss him. I still think about him, dream about him and cry over him. He is still a part of my life, but I am no longer part of his. And this is what hurts the most. I love Benjamin, but I fear I will never be able to let go of what I had with Him. He was my everything and then I let it go, or he left me. It's been so long now I can't even remember which came first. There are very few people that I've been able to talk to and all of which have almost dissapeared on me. I hate this. I hate not being able to give my all to the one who has been there for me in one of the toughest parts of my life. But, I can't unless I get what I need from him. I don't know what exactly it is yet, but I hope to god I find out.